Weird Fishes

i catch myself thinking about things that i'd like to think about again,

so i thought i'd try to sort the stew.

my brain seems permeable enough, i could probably ponder on all day long...

but i can't seem to remember shit. so i guess that's why this exists now.

my sentences are long, i'm self-centered, and i make up words.

i also alternate between actual information and nonsensical bullshit.

other than that, enjoy.

visiting columbia allows me to get rid of some of the shit i tend to hold in. i get to clean my mom's house in its entirety, producing a lovely sense of accomplishment i don't get too often, due to my slacker nature. plus, if i bust my ass and do it real speedyquick-like, that feels good, too.

but along with the release of good emotions, the bad ones are bound to make themselves known as well. if presented with the opportunity, in about 0.2 seconds i can totally flip my shit and verbally assault my unsuspecting fifteen year old brother for no apparent reason.

when i moved out, i made the transition from stressed-to-the-max everyday, for a very long time, to chill-to-the-max-F'SHO. it took a couple months for me to adjust, but moving away was excellent for my mental health. what a fantastic thing to do as a young person...chill, think, create, listen, talk, eat (among other various actions)...it was definitely a treat compared to what i was used to, which was a pile of mundane routine bullshit that eventually accumulated and confused me altogether. 

i won't lie...my family certainly contributed to said bullshit. my mother is a spectacular and generous caregiver, but if she could have relaxed at some point when i lived here, i'm positive it would have eliminated 41% of the meaningless anxiety in our house. actually, it would have been much easier for all parties if we could ALL could have taken a break from freaking out everyday over just about everything. unfortunately, retarded-ass traits such as these have been bestowed upon my sibling and i through example, and our immediate reaction to any stressors is to be as loud, angry, sarcastic, and rude as possible. 

fun shit, right?

 

probably not to most sane folks. but i can assure all two of my readers that it is natural to derive some weird pleasure from bitching at those you love. and fyi, these episodes are exclusive to my bloodline, i'd never get buck with my friends. i'm pretty sure it has something to do with living in the same bowl, regardless of anyone's reformed nature. now that i've had the chance to step back to understand why i do it and don't abuse it, i can unleash hell upon joey ledbetter the minisecond he tries to irritate me. it may look like we're not having a good time, but it is extremely therapeutic to go apeshit on your family, even if you've converted to chillerism. 

i look at this way; they need it, and so do i.

symbiosis, muthafuckas.

in the deepest ocean
the bottom of the sea 
your eyes, they turn me

why should i stay here?
why should i stay?

i'd be crazy not to follow
follow where you lead
your eyes, they turn me

turn me on to phantoms
i follow to the edge of the earth
and fall off

everybody leaves
if they get the chance
and this is my chance

i get eaten by the worms 
and weird fishes
picked over by the worms 
and weird fishes

i'll hit the bottom and escape